i guess i can't say the worst part about birthdays. but the saddest part is definitely the end of the day. you realize how blessed you are to have great friends and family who love you..but at the end of the day, after the party and the singing, it's just another day. just a day that's supposed to be all about you but when it comes down to it, it's another day that's just not too special.

i love birthdays. i'm not sure what it is about them but i do. i think it's knowing how many i've been through and how many people i've seen have so many or so little birthdays that i realize they are a gift and we must cherish our years.

so as i have my 4 minutes left of my first day being 20 i just sit here and dwell on these things which have been in my mind all day.

those things and how i miss my sisters and i miss my friends who live far away. i'm so blessed and have been with a great day and yet i feel like there was something missing, someone...or maybe more than one person.

time for me to get some rest and enjoy being 20...cause it's just begun.

I'm trading my sorrow

I'm trading my shame

I'm laying it down for the joy of the Lord

I'm trading my sickness

I'm trading my pain

I'm laying it down for the joy of the Lord

And we say yes Lord yes Lord yes yes Lord

Yes Lord yes Lord yes yes Lord

Yes Lord yes Lord yes yes Lord Amen

I'm pressed but not crushed persecuted not abandoned

Struck down but not destroyed

I'm blessed beyond the curse for his promise will endure

And his joy's gonna be my strength

Though the sorrow may last for the night

His joy comes with the morning

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Christmas break is all about family. That's the thought keeps going through my head. 

We sit at the dining room table together, whether or not we're eating dinner. Last night I came home with some friends and looked at the dining room table and there were the 4 little kids sitting, doing homework or drawing pictures. I'll wake up in the morning and get ready and get on my computer, right next to dad and his "office" there's something about just sitting next to each other. Most of the time we don't talk or have a regular conversation...it's just knowing we're in the same room as each other. it's, comforting.