and praying.
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Saturday, January 09, 2010
random thoughts...
it's the new year! 2010!
over the past few days i've been thinking a lot. and i've been meaning to post and just haven't found the right words or "time".
random thought #1:
thoughts about the fall have crossed my mind. thoughts about my family and friends. thoughts about time, in general. so many things have just been floating around in this head of mine.
usually i'm able to share these thoughts with various co-workers/friends but today was different. today was a very quiet day. i didn't really talk to anyone outside of my house. no texting, no facebook chatting. i talked to minte via Gmail chat but other than that, it was very quiet. and of course once i am quiet on a day like today not many thoughts are crossing my mind. usually my mind is racing when i am speaking to other people but when i am quiet, so is my brain. it's weird how that works out sometimes.
random thought #2:
the other day at work a friend and i were talking about time. the more i thought about time, the more i became confused and more amazed. we knew what we wanted to say to each other about time we just weren't sure how to get our points across. in the end however, we figured out what the other person was saying.
random thought #3:
months ago, i was yelled at by a friend about how i wasn't an open person. how i never shared my thoughts or feelings and how that made it really hard for our friendship. i guess i didn't realize it. in a way i was somewhat happy that my friend revealed this to me so i could work on it. now however, i fear that i took it the complete opposite level. i tell friends almost anything that comes to mind. sometimes, especially lately, it's become like word vomit. i can't stop it. i think it was a trust issue and i've been really working on trust lately. i've been getting better at it but now i think i just talk just to talk. i don't want to be one of those people but i think i might be. now if i'm quiet at work they assume something is wrong, when in reality i just need to think and take some time to stop and listen to what's going on around me.
random thought #4:
this year i have come up with a few goals for myself:
-get my website up and running and tell people!
-make change in the world. i'm still figuring this part out but we'll see what happens. haha
-listen. i need to work on my listening skills. i know this might sound silly but sometimes i think that things just go right through my head. sometimes i'd like to listen to things and absorb the entire thing a little more.
-stop. be still. -i'm not sure if there needs to be an explanation about this.
-figure out school. how frustrating this one can be. one moment i'm set on a thought and the next couple of days i really struggle with my decision.
random thought#5:
oh school. i keep telling people that i wish the whole thing would just drop in my lap and i would know what is going on. i still don't know what is going on next year. i have a feeling but not entirely sure right now. i don't want to pick something and realize it was a huge mistake but i'm afraid that if i choose the opposite then that will be a mistake. i'm not really sure if that makes sense but i don't want to screw this plan up. i know that i can change schools if i need to but like i told isabel today, i am sick of moving. i'd like to keep the moving to a minimum if that is possible. haha
random thought #6:
i wish i would've worked on trust years ago. i think it would've made my whole high school experience that much more worth while. right now i've been really working on trust and i love it. i love being able to tell people my thoughts without worrying about them talking about me. i guess i still worry about being talked about behind my back but i think that i am able to handle it easier now.
random thought #7:
i love the people at my work. :) as weird as it sounds, these people that i've worked with throughout the past few years have become a HUGE part of my life. one girl last summer started calling us all her family of misfits. it's true in a way. each person that i work with has changed my life so greatly and i am SO thankful for each and every one of them. i feel like i've known these people my entire life but some i've only known for less than a year and others have been with me from day 1. it's awesome because right now some of my closest friends are from work. one person i've known for only 1.5 yrs and the other i've known for 8 months! yet i feel so comfortable around these people and i don't know what i would do without them through this time.
random thought #8:
i have so many dreams. like hopes and dreams as opposed to sleeping dreams -although i have a lot of those too. :) i have so many dreams and i'm afraid to share them with people (back to the trust thing). it's partially because some of my friends will think i am ridiculous and others i'm not sure how they will react to it. maybe that's what freaks me out, is not knowing the end result.
random thought #9:
i've been thinking about love lately and i love love. but part of me hates it also. i think i'm afraid of love because of the hurt factor. i don't want to be hurt by love but i know that is a part of it. you can't really have love without some hurt. at least that's what i think right now. i know i had other thoughts on love...but i can't really remember them right now.
1 a.m. = time to read and then sleep. possibly more random thoughts to follow....
come what may..
teia
over the past few days i've been thinking a lot. and i've been meaning to post and just haven't found the right words or "time".
random thought #1:
thoughts about the fall have crossed my mind. thoughts about my family and friends. thoughts about time, in general. so many things have just been floating around in this head of mine.
usually i'm able to share these thoughts with various co-workers/friends but today was different. today was a very quiet day. i didn't really talk to anyone outside of my house. no texting, no facebook chatting. i talked to minte via Gmail chat but other than that, it was very quiet. and of course once i am quiet on a day like today not many thoughts are crossing my mind. usually my mind is racing when i am speaking to other people but when i am quiet, so is my brain. it's weird how that works out sometimes.
random thought #2:
the other day at work a friend and i were talking about time. the more i thought about time, the more i became confused and more amazed. we knew what we wanted to say to each other about time we just weren't sure how to get our points across. in the end however, we figured out what the other person was saying.
random thought #3:
months ago, i was yelled at by a friend about how i wasn't an open person. how i never shared my thoughts or feelings and how that made it really hard for our friendship. i guess i didn't realize it. in a way i was somewhat happy that my friend revealed this to me so i could work on it. now however, i fear that i took it the complete opposite level. i tell friends almost anything that comes to mind. sometimes, especially lately, it's become like word vomit. i can't stop it. i think it was a trust issue and i've been really working on trust lately. i've been getting better at it but now i think i just talk just to talk. i don't want to be one of those people but i think i might be. now if i'm quiet at work they assume something is wrong, when in reality i just need to think and take some time to stop and listen to what's going on around me.
random thought #4:
this year i have come up with a few goals for myself:
-get my website up and running and tell people!
-make change in the world. i'm still figuring this part out but we'll see what happens. haha
-listen. i need to work on my listening skills. i know this might sound silly but sometimes i think that things just go right through my head. sometimes i'd like to listen to things and absorb the entire thing a little more.
-stop. be still. -i'm not sure if there needs to be an explanation about this.
-figure out school. how frustrating this one can be. one moment i'm set on a thought and the next couple of days i really struggle with my decision.
random thought#5:
oh school. i keep telling people that i wish the whole thing would just drop in my lap and i would know what is going on. i still don't know what is going on next year. i have a feeling but not entirely sure right now. i don't want to pick something and realize it was a huge mistake but i'm afraid that if i choose the opposite then that will be a mistake. i'm not really sure if that makes sense but i don't want to screw this plan up. i know that i can change schools if i need to but like i told isabel today, i am sick of moving. i'd like to keep the moving to a minimum if that is possible. haha
random thought #6:
i wish i would've worked on trust years ago. i think it would've made my whole high school experience that much more worth while. right now i've been really working on trust and i love it. i love being able to tell people my thoughts without worrying about them talking about me. i guess i still worry about being talked about behind my back but i think that i am able to handle it easier now.
random thought #7:
i love the people at my work. :) as weird as it sounds, these people that i've worked with throughout the past few years have become a HUGE part of my life. one girl last summer started calling us all her family of misfits. it's true in a way. each person that i work with has changed my life so greatly and i am SO thankful for each and every one of them. i feel like i've known these people my entire life but some i've only known for less than a year and others have been with me from day 1. it's awesome because right now some of my closest friends are from work. one person i've known for only 1.5 yrs and the other i've known for 8 months! yet i feel so comfortable around these people and i don't know what i would do without them through this time.
random thought #8:
i have so many dreams. like hopes and dreams as opposed to sleeping dreams -although i have a lot of those too. :) i have so many dreams and i'm afraid to share them with people (back to the trust thing). it's partially because some of my friends will think i am ridiculous and others i'm not sure how they will react to it. maybe that's what freaks me out, is not knowing the end result.
random thought #9:
i've been thinking about love lately and i love love. but part of me hates it also. i think i'm afraid of love because of the hurt factor. i don't want to be hurt by love but i know that is a part of it. you can't really have love without some hurt. at least that's what i think right now. i know i had other thoughts on love...but i can't really remember them right now.
1 a.m. = time to read and then sleep. possibly more random thoughts to follow....
come what may..
teia
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