frustration.
ok see the thing is is i don't really like waiting for a ride after school. but i'll wait because what else am i going to do. i try to get involved. i've tried out for just about every play and musical our school has offered and i haven't made it. i did volleyball for 2 years. then i got a job. i liked volleyball but i wasn't good at it and i know it. i was fine. i knew the basics and got stuff down but i also screwed up a lot. i tried to push myself to do better and better. but that just ended up making me mad because i would screw up and get upset with myself even more for screwing it up again. i got a job and now it's a big hassle because we've moved and everything. it's like i have to keep changing jobs until we find somewhere to live for real. to stay.
i tried getting involved in chamber choir.
i didn't make it. i worked my butt off for 3 years and then come this year i worked my butt off for that month and a half so far. and then the people for chamber were announced and i didn't make it.
so you cannot tell me that i need to get "more involved" because i've tried and failed everytime. i've failed and i can't fail again. i just want to do something that i'm great at and something that makes everyone proud including myself.
so right now i'm just going to sit like a bump on a log waiting for my ride after school because i have to and that's what is going to happen for the rest of this year.

comewhatmay...
teia