Thursday, December 31, 2009

wishing all my family, friends and strangers Happy New Year's!
Hope you have a good one. Ta ta to 2009!
God Bless,
teia

Saturday, December 19, 2009

lately i've been having dreams about grandpadu.
like multiple dreams. last night i know i had one about him. i just don't remember what it is right now.

a few nights ago i had a dream that we had gone to their old house. about half of their things were still at the old house and the other half was at the new. it was just how they lived- in the two houses. but they spent the majority of the time at their old house. it seemed like a cure for grandpadu. whenever he was at the new house he was sick and not doing well but while he was at the old house he seemed to be his old self.

when i woke up the next day i started to tell dad and jen about my dream and realized why i had had a dream like that. and dad confirmed it the same time i had my realization. the last time we had seen grandpadu "fine" and not sick like he is now was when they still lived in the old house. subconciously i must have been thinking about it but i hadn't put two and two together otherwise.

most of the time i have dreams and they don't make much sense but then there are other dreams where i can remember them clearly and it's like trying to get in my head and make me realize something.

for thanksgiving we went spent half of the time at with the pope's and the other half with omi and grandpadu. we ended up spending the night at omi and grandpadu's. i didn't really get to talk to grandpadu much but on friday before we all left to get our christmas tree i said bye to grandpadu. i said, "bye grandpadu. see you soon." he was staring off into the distance and said, "i hope so."
in the past few weeks this conversation has been playing over and over in my head. it has become something that i will always remember. i've struggled with deciding whether or not to write it. the exchange of these few sentences has changed meaning in the past few weeks also. at first it meant i'll see you soon here- on earth. but then the changing maybe has warped a bit into. i'll see you soon- in heaven. either way we both meant this conversation i hope both -on earth and in heaven- are true.
He hasn't taken either grandpadu or me (obviously) yet but when He does, "i'll see you soon."

Monday, November 02, 2009

i try to explain to others the friendships i've had and how each person has brought an awesome and different perspective into my life.
every once in a while i think they get it and other times i think they are just nodding their head and smiling just to make me feel good.

each of my friends have shown me the endless measures of love, they have shown me what it means to love life and friends and...music.

my family has shown me that also but in such a different way.

if there is one thing my friends and i have in common it is the love of music. all different types of music. they've grown accustomed to my music and i, theirs. josh and kristin have shown me to love soundtracks featuring john williams, michael giacchino and hans zimmer, along with many others. erin has showed me how to appreciate many different songs on the radio i wouldn't have given a second glance.

if only they knew how much of an impact they have had on my life so far and will have in the future...

comewhat may...
teia
sometimes i wish missing wasn't even possible.

then there'd be no crying and hurt.
although on the other end it makes the reunion usually so much better.

basically right now i think missing others sucks. cause it ends up being lot of crap where you say you can't wait to hang out and how you miss the "good old times.."
majority of the time, i think i'm the only person actually missing the "good old times" and really needing to hang out with someone.

...i need a friend who can hang out all the time and talk...

if you know of someone who won't leave me ...let me know...cause i could really use my old friends right now even though they are all across the country and one isn't even a friend anymore. well i'm not sure. i hope we are. i just don't know.

ok i'm tired and a mess. i think this means sleep is needed.

comewhat may...
teia

Sunday, October 25, 2009

Last night I was able to go to the first choir concert of the year at LWLHS. surprisingly enough it was somewhat hard to go to. I walked in and there was all the acapella people talking in the hallway getting ready to walk in and getting all lined up...or as close to it as possible. We sat down and I was able to watch chorale sing a few songs and then it was the band. At one point Ethan turned to me and said, "what movie is this from?" i told him i wasn't sure...hmm. I think i'll have to look that one up or even just ask Mr. Staub. Then acapella came up and sang and they were good. I was so glad to be able to hear them. I turn to deirdre and minte and told them how weird it was to be sitting down at one of the concerts because the last time i had sat through a concert at LW was probably 6 years ago for their christmas concert. It was before mr. staub and before they decided to have the concerts in the gym.

Of all the things I miss the most about high school and just school in general right now it's choir. I miss being able to warm up and the feeling of accomplishment after we finish a song perfectly. I miss being able to judge the song as a member of the choir and remembering that next time I need to fix little parts here and there. I loved being an alto. haha. I loved being able to listen to the clashes and what weird songs we get to sing or what spirituals we're doing for this concert.

I talked to Mr. Staub after the concert and it was so nice to talk to him. We talked about random things for just a few minutes but I am so glad I did.

For four years choir was one of the biggest parts of my life. We had choir tour, great friends, crazy drama and stories from the different churches we sang at throughout the year and through every tour. We had a wonderful director who I can't even begin to thank how choir changed my life and my perspective on music. I am so thankful.

Maybe in the future I can join some type of choir where I do sing again. I'm not the greatest or anything but maybe. But nothing will change the way I felt about LW's 4 years and how being in that choir changed my life.

Saturday, October 17, 2009

Don't we all just wish we could have this sign for our lives? "Emergency exit, turn handle to left and then push open." So when you screw up you can just use your emergency exit.

(I took this picture a few weeks ago on the megabus from cleveland to chicago. I guess i never realized how much I really do just like the picture. It was something fun to take a picture of while I was on the bus and now I just think it's a cool picture. )

In a way I think we all have our different emergency exits or outlets. Sometimes it's not the best for our well-being but we just do it.

Right now. I think there are so many people who are using those emergency exits and then getting into bigger trouble instead of the other way around. Those emergency exits are supposed to help you.
If while I was on the bus and we got in an accident and I needed to get out I'd use the emergency exit. It would aid me to safety, not lead me to something worse.

I just worry for those who are using those emergency exits in the wrong way. The bus is driving smoothly at 65 MPH and then you just "test" that exit out. It doesn't work that way.

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

So i've been working like crazy lately..
What a life. hahaha.
Also, i went and visited kristin in ohio and then went to CUC and saw piera, timmy, ashlyn and breenna. it was a great time. LOVED it.

so im really cold right now and don't actually feel like writing much. i just had to put something down. haha

come what may..
teia

Tuesday, September 08, 2009

the swirl. keeps getting bigger and bigger.

josh still hasn't talked to me much since before his stuff happened..which is fine as long as i get updates from jen. i just worry. i just hope and pray he's alright. And that he knows that i'm worrying about him and hoping and praying that he is alright. I don't know sometimes though.

jen and zoe went into a sleep study tonight at children's hospital. it was just supposed to monitor how she does while she sleeps..like if she has some type of apnea or if she has night terrors they can determine what to do from these studies. when they saw her "numbers" after hooking her up and having her FINALLY (after 4 hours of crying) fall asleep, they weren't good. this can cause damage on her heart if she isn't getting the oxygen she needs to the rest of her body! and her other numbers have a HUGE effect on her also.

the swirl keeps going.

besides that, i've been working just about every day. and right now i'm exhausted. it doesn't help that with what i know right now...these coming days are going to get harder with schedules and hospitals. oh...and as if it doesn't get ANY better. i also have a cold. WONDERFUL.

waiting some more...

come what may...
teia

Thursday, August 27, 2009

Two years ago, I was having the best summer of my life. If someone would have come up to me and told me to get ready for my world to be turned upside down I probably would have told you, "We'll see about that..."

Well I wish someone could have warned me about the coming two years because they did get turned upside down.
Two summers ago, it was all about Josh, Isabel, Michael and me. The four of us. It seemed like there wasn't a day where we didn't talk or hang out. Six months later, Selah was diagnosed with Diabetes type 1 and then two months after that Zoe was born. Two weeks later, Cooper was born. The trisomy babies. Zoe with 18 and Cooper with 21. Living on the edge is the way to go in my family I guess.
Since then we've gone through Grandpa and GrandpaDu's health issues.
Just this summer.

Then we got the phone call yesterday that Josh was in the hospital. Later in the day he had a mild heart attack.

My heart broke.
into a billion and two pieces.

Probably because he's like a big brother to me...
probably because i just saw him on monday and he seemed pretty fine to me...just wiped.
probably because he's 22 and he had a heart attack.
probably because 2 summers ago we spent all our time together and now he's in the hospital.

(i realize that 2 years is a long period of time.)
Jen has gone to the hospital twice now. and she updates me from there...letting me know that he's doing ok. He's going on medication and that hopefully he'll be home by tomorrow sometime.

My heart is trying to slowly pick up all the pieces and start anew....again.

Before all this happened...yesterday jen and i were talking in the car we were talking about the swirl of a life we have. We've been through all this "stuff" in the past year and half...if you want to you can throw in the past few years. It's been quite a swirl. It might not stop any time soon. But for right now...standing in the middle of the swirl things are looking alright. We are blessed beyond belief. We still have Zoe, Cooper, Grandpa and GrandpaDu. Most of us are in pretty good health. If you step into the swirl...it will start dragging you under pretty quick though.

I'm going to stay in the swirl for right now. As much as I'm tired of crying and hurting for all these people. There's not much I can do about it...because there is hurt and lots of crying in this world for many reasons.

Time for me to just keep waiting... and waiting...like always.

come what may...
teia

Monday, August 24, 2009

hey please vote for my pictures and write some reviews! thanks so much!





have a great week!

Friday, August 14, 2009

tonight is just one of those nights that no matter how hard you try or how bad your eyes hurt..you just don't want to fall asleep. it's so frustrating. my eyes are hurting..a combination of crying and being open for 14+ hours.
within the past week i've been thinking a lot about my grandfathers. both of them. both are having health issues right now..and i dont know what to think about it. i saw grandpa at graduation and he was looking alright. and i saw grandpadu a few weeks ago.. and we were standing in our living room. i was showing him one of my drawing that i did at the beginning of this summer. he stared at it and said..wow that's incredible.
this past saturday i called mom to talk to her and she said that she was worried for grandma and grandpa as his health wasn't doing so great last week. on sunday our family made an emergency trip to green bay to see grandpadu and it was hard. he could barely lift his arms and was so in and out of it. it's incredible how just a few weeks can change drastically. 3.5 weeks ago grandpadu and i were standing in the living room talking about art. and this past sunday we were in a hospital room and he was asking about my graduation party..
i'm not sure how these next few days or weeks will turn out. God has a plan..i know it..but i'm just struggling with putting His plan before mine.

im going to try and listen to music and fall asleep...since it's now 340 and i cant fall asleep...stilL!

come what may.
teia

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

waiting waiting waiting.
for my new phone to come in the mail...it's killing me! :)
i'm pretty excited to get it..hopefully it will be coming soon!

erin and i took a nice bike ride yesterday and just hung out. it was really nice.

summer is almost over.. many people are starting to leave this week and next week already!
it's crazy! piera, erin, timmy, andy and most of concordia gangs will be gone in the next week. other colleges are starting toward the end of august beginning of september..
it's going to be really interesting to see what happens in the next few months! i'm pretty excited and a little weary of what will happen. but i guess we'll see!

sunday we made a quick visit to grandpadu in the hospital. we were able to visit with everyone in the family which was really nice!
i was so glad to see everyone..i've seen most of them earlier this summer but EVERYONE was there...

ok. it's time for me to gooo.

comewhatmay..
teia

Saturday, August 08, 2009

in the past few weeks i've had some pretty great experiences. i was able to bike to port washington with a friend and it was really fun. we talked the whole time and got some good sun. :) although neither of us probably needed it. haha. and then this week i was able to bike to fox point with some other friends from work. all in all in the past week i've biked at least 50 miles! which for some people is nothing because they can do that in a day. but i'm not one of those people. i'm still working up on that ladder. :)

also, back on the fourth of july kristin called me to tell me she was engaged! the next weekend we were able to hang out for the first time in 7 months! it was such a great time! ever since then we've been keeping each other updated about what's going on. i'm so glad to have her as a friend. we've only known each other for the past 2 years. but it's been amazing!

hmm. i had my graduation party on the 31st which was last friday but it seems like forever ago already! i had some really great friends come and i was so excited to see them and be able to catch up with everything going on in their lives. most people start school or are leaving starting in the next week or two! that's insane. this summer has flown by and i'm just waiting to see what is in store for this next year.

work has been awesome. i'm becoming closer friends with each of the people i'm working with and i love being able to have friends there and not have that place just be where i work..but have the ability to have relationships with everyone i work with.

lately we've all been keeping grandpadu in our prayers because he's been having some health issues.

time for me to get some rest.

comewhatmay...
teia

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

hey so i'm trying this kind of contest for the first time just to see what happens.
please vote for me!!! that'd be great! thanks!

Thursday, July 02, 2009

july...already. holy crap.
i really can't believe it. time has flown and it's been crazy. june was a pretty chill month.
so much happened and i wish that i could say right away that i've grown from it but i can't really say that right now. i'm still working on growing up..it's a little hard. :) i hate being selfish and self-centered. so i think my goal for july...and on out is to work on not being those things.
it's something i really struggled with last month and it's tearing me apart.
basically that's been my life in a nutshell for the past month.
whew.
and i think that's it. time for some partying with some wonderfully lovely people.

comewhatmay...
teia

Sunday, June 28, 2009

isabel's 17th birthday was on monday...and to celebrate we got our cartilage pierced. when she turned like 9 i think...we got our ears pierced. it's a great tradition. haha. every 8 years get something pierced. ok, don't really do that...cause that would be weird. but it was something fun to do. :)

comewhatmay...
teia

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

graduation parties..and more graduation parties is the best way to explain this past weekend. it was crazy. erin, isabel and i went to aaron and eddie's grad party on friday night and had a blast. we ended up staying all night and just having a lot of fun, hanging out and talking and playing ladder golf under the party tent while it was raining. :)
then on saturday we went to cassie's grad party for a while and swam in her pool...it was a good time. we headed to andy's for a bit to have a bonfire.
yesterday and today have been scorching hot outside...we have the air on...it's sooo hot outside. :)

ok im going to go do something productive.

comewhatmay.
teia

Thursday, June 18, 2009

....so i'm working on updating the look of this blog...
and downloaded a few templates...
right now...i think i like this one...there's just some spanish that i had to read to figure out how to work it. and considering i don't know spanish...it was semi-difficult. also. that's why there are links on the side in spanish. yeah i'm working on changing those.....

comewhatmay...
teia

Sunday, June 14, 2009


last sunday june 7,2009 was my grandpadu's last sermon at his church in Luxemburg WI. Almost the whole family was there to have a little get together and sing for grandpadu and Jesus. :) I had an awesome time although us older cousins had nap time in the living room while everyone else was running around. I noticed while looking at pictures that us cousins look SOOO much alike even though we are all pretty different.. here's some random pics of the cousins from the past few times i've seen them.

dad took two pics of all the cousins...minus 3...i think that's everyone else. we were missing keaton, ella and adler.

gabi LOVED playing with zoe and telling her mom about the baby. :)
...the big question is...What have you been doing for the past couple weeks?!
Well I've been doing a lot of stuff...including a lot of nothing. :) Lately though I've been painting. I took up random jobs around the house to tackle painting different rooms. I've really enjoyed it and hopefully will be able to get some more done soon!
Erin and i worked on the bathroom...i didn't take a picture...cause it's a bathroom. and i thought that'd be weird. Also we painted a wall in mine and isabel's room bright green. it looks pretty sweet.

The green we had left over i used for part of the girls' room. I did three walls this purpley-lilac color...and then one wall the bright green. they really needed something to brighten their room up and these colors definitely did! after finishing the purple i traced different sized circles all around the room in clumps and by themselves to create bubbles! there was a lot of time put into it..but i had fun and it was my "alone time" :) i was so happy to hear that the girls LOVE IT...if they hadnt...i was going to switch rooms with them. ;)comewhatmay...
teia